We Must Be Crazy!

There’s no doubt that children benefit from structure.  Chores, classes, meals and the daily grind all run more smoothly when there is an established structural foundation.  Structured routine tasks reinforce a kids sense of responsibility and are the underpinnings that teach children what they can expect from parents and other adults.  So we can agree that it’s needed but how much structure do they want?

I’m begging a question but – who does routine benefit most?  Answer:  adults.  This is because subconsciously most parents desire divine control over chaos and affirmation that we’ve met social standards and (of course) our own expectations.

‘Routine’ is-what-it-is… routine – and lets be honest, routine is bloody boring.  But what would happen if you allowed a couple days with absolutely no expectations (with exceptions for the law and safety)?  I’m not talking “Lord of the Flies”, I mean a ’safe’ level of chaos.

Lengthy intro aside, this is where the story begins…

Our family was just coming off of a 5 day trip to the 10,000 Lakes Festival in Detroit Lakes, Minnesota – which I’m sure by many people’s standards is the very definition of chaos.  Two kids, 60 bands and camping with 20,000 people?  Is this your idea of a family vacation?  It is for me!

We were given media access because of our connection with the manager and the Cellist of the band Cloud Cult and for a blog we write.  Connections aside, my humble testimony is that 10klf is one of the most well organized events I have ever, and likely will ever see.

Gates were open on time, directions were concise and easily accessible online, promoters were readily available, escorts to open camp spots were provided, all the paperwork was ready for us, none of the bands we saw were late (except one), meals were on time and fantastic and absolutely everyone loved to see kids there.  To my unaided eye it was clockwork.

Afterward, we had about three weeks before our daughter was to begin her first day of kindergarten and I had quite a few hours of vacation to use before the end of the year.

Originally, I thought I would do a one-man excursion to the Black Hills in a pseudo-survivalist fashion but with Cerelia starting Kindergarten it was just too perfect go it alone.

My wife and I talked about it and we decided that it would be a nice tradition for each of us to have one last ‘hurrah’ in honor of summer alone with the school-bound offspring before the school year began.

Huh?  Families building traditions?  Sounds like structure to me!

None-the-less, our plan was hatched.  Now all I had to do was make the reservation.

Plan A:  I had three days and plenty of time to get our accommodations lined up.  This was my first realization that my task would be more difficult than I had originally envisioned.

Difficulty number 1:  In South Dakota there is a four day in-advance window for you to make reservations at state parks.  Ahem… yes you can look back at the previous paragraph and confirm that I only had three days until we were supposed to leave.  So much for being spontaneous.  Guess we should have camped on a fire trail like the good ol’ days.  But the last time I did that I had a close encounter with a cougar.

Fortunately there was a single camp site at Pactola Reservoir the day AFTER our expected arrival so I booked it.  But I was still determined to leave during my window of opportunity and maximize this experience.  Which essentially means I’ll be hunting for hotel rooms.

Difficulty number 2:  It didn’t take many phone calls to come to the realization that everything, and I mean everything in the Rapid City area was booked.  I thought to myself “what could possibly be going on”?

Plan B: call friends.

The number of people I know who live in the Black Hills totals three people… all from the same family… and who all live in the same house.  Being the people that they are, our friends essentially opened up their entire house for us even though they were going to be out of town.

With plan B in place we’re back on track… so-to-speak.

Having our accommodations in place meant that I was free to pack accordingly.  The packing philosophy was “minimalist” and I managed to cram all of our gear into the tiny trunk of my Toyota Echo and saved some time because much of it was still stowed from the previous week.

Remember that the goal of this trip was to allow my daughter to experience as much freedom as possible while letting her set the itinerary.  When I explained this to her you could tell that she was totally jazzed.

“You mean we could go fishing ALL DAY!  Or dig for rocks, and picnic in the forest?  WOW!”

The following morning she woke up very early and was on my bed and in my face.  In her opinion I had overslept.

After a couple stops we were on the road.  I assumed that we would be stopping frequently for tiny adventures, but she was having none of it.  Cerelia was determined to get to our destination as quickly as possible.  We only stopped once along the Missouri river for lunch before the taskmaster had me behind the wheel again.

When we arrived in Rapid City she decided that we should go to her friend Grace’s house to check it out.  The trampoline in the backyard was the star of the evening but we did manage to fish for about five minutes before she decided we needed to go back to the house.

The following day was again very early so we packed up and made our way to our camp site.  Along the way we stopped at every stream, every cave and every little pond she could see.  We even tried Thunderhead Cave but it didn’t last long because she was convinced that a bear lives there.

Mt. Rushmore absolutely astounded her but it was obvious that she was getting tired of making all the decisions.  So to pass the time we made up a game.  Count the motorcycles…

What I realized was that the more freedom I gave her to make all the decisions for us, the more guidance she wanted to make sure she made the right choice.

By the end of the trip I realized that by giving her the option, she had remade the intent of our mini-vacation.  My intent was to let her make her own fun, but what she wanted most of all was to have fun with me.  It’s the structure and guidance that parents provide that allow our kids to be free and chaotic.

It’s reassuring and humbling at the same time and makes me wonder what else I’ve lost by becoming an adult and what I’m missing that’s right in front of me.

Practically anything can become a family tradition so long as it reinforces the ‘family’ part.  I think this one is worth continuing, because it allowed us to pay close attention to each other.  And when you’re paying attention you can learn some fantastic things about each other.

To read about our 10klf experience go to www.litterboxboss.com/festivals.